Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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