I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
