No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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