franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have aggressive nipples.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
