Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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