I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
