No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
