At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
