Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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