I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
