During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
