Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
