I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
