Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
