I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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