she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
