she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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