Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
