You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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