I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize