Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
