If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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