that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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