well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
