The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
