Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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