You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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