make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
