she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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