Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
