your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
