Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
