I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
