I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
His nipple licking is glorious
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