He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
