but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
