You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
