sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
