don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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