Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
