So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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