It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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