well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When are your genitals available?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
