if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
