Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
