Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
