I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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