Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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