I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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