1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
