you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
