just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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