She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
