he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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