It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
