Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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