i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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