Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
