I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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