butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
