So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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