I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
