This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
