I hope mine doesn't look like that
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize