mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
