just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
