How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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