My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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