That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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