I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
