U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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