When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
