I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
