well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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