You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and she was petting her beer can
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
