im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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