We're facebook friends in real life
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
