First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't put those talents on a resume
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
