do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
