You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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