filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize