I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
