woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
