i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
