Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
