Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
