Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
