3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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