In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
