I think i peed on brittanys purse
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
