did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
