You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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