I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
