i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
