Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize