apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
