I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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