I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
