Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
