I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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